Homeschool Hack: Tips to Tame Behavior

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." Lamentations 3:22-23

Around the time that our kids were middle/elementary-aged, we attended a homeschool event together where we met several new friends, fellow homeschool moms like us. When sharing about our families with each other, we were surprised to hear the idyllic, dream-like setting in which one of these sweet women was raising up her two teenage daughters. It was all sunshine and roses, swooning at classic novel read-alouds and perfect science experiments.

We got in the car for the drive home and just laughed as we imagined our days in comparison to their peaceful, cooperative dream worlds. We’re positive God had us at that table not to make us feel bad about our vibrant, active days, but to learn to accept that truly “comparison is a thief of joy” (T. Roosevelt). Looking back it helped us realize that homeschools are like people, uniquely designed according to the character traits of the entire family. We encourage you – do not be tempted to fashion yours exactly along the lines of another. While listening to the journey of other homeschool moms is inspiring, take that insight and adapt it to what works for your one-of-a-kind family.

That said, there is one thing we all agree upon: negative behavior issues can be exhausting! They can suck the life out of your day. BUT these undesirable moments can also be a chance to develop character by meeting and defeating the challenges. We’ve been fortunate enough with our own kids to have MANY opportunities (haha) to experiment with various strategies designed to turn burdensome behaviors around.

Listed below are some of our tired-and-true tips. Please note this list is not to overwhelm you – just pick one or two that would greatly improve your days and come back later for others!

• BEGIN FRESH EVERY DAY.  God's mercies are new each morning, and ours should be, too.
• Always try to think proactively, so you won’t have to constantly react to bad behavior.
• Do what you say and say what you mean. Be sure you’re committed to a reprimand or reward before it’s spoken.
• Give choices (within your parameters) when possible. "It's time for reading -- would you like to read at the table or on the floor?"
• Ask kids what they want to earn, within the parameters of your reality, of course.
• Earning is a privilege not a right.
• Let them know you mean business. Just one powerful loss will resonate for a long time. Ex: If needed, leave the fun event/place/experience if they aren’t allowing themselves or others to enjoy it.
• Speak in positive terms of “doing”. Ex: “We treat each other with nice words. We use our fork to eat the food on our plate.”
• Frame behavior and consequences positively. 👍“If you want to have time to play, you will need to make sure your room is clean by the time the timer goes off” versus 👎“You will not be able to play if you don’t clean your room.”
• Call out good behavior “His listening ears tell me he is ready to have that cake.“
• Thank them for ______(goal behavior) before they actually do it. Ex: respecting my property, picking up your towels on the floor.
• Use experiences as a long-term reward. Skip spending money on all kinds of little short-term rewards. Save it up and do a big thing.
• Pair tough school subjects with something delightful – popcorn snack during math time, back scratching/cuddling during reading, playing with Legos during Bible, etc.
• If your kids are young and/or active, start the day with exercise and outside time -- it's a game changer. (A tired dog is a good dog! Same goes with active kids!)
• Light candles, diffuse oils, make forts, to set the mood and mix things up during work time.
• Use manipulatives like counters, rocks, letter tiles, etc. sometimes instead of always using paper and pencil.
• Read, discuss and refer often to the Fifth Commandment. Raise your hand and say “number five”.
• Play music during the day for transition times, exercise (dancing), and stress relief
• Read, discuss and refer often to the scripture about how parents should not exasperate their children.
• Be sure to plan for developmental appropriateness of time-on-task behavior. This also relates to kids’ individual needs/strengths/weaknesses.
• Allow them to do their work how they choose --  upside down or in a tree. If they get it done well, that’s good!
• Focus on quality over quantity. Ex: Five perfect math problems as opposed to 50.
• Make lists for them to check off their work so that they know what to do and what is expected and they’re working towards that thing at the end.
• In regards to checklists: some kids want you to tell them what to do in order and others want to plan it their own way. Empower your kids to choose how to complete their checklist, even though it may feel uncomfortable to give up that control.
• Teach them that the Bible says when we do well with the little things, we are entrusted with big things. Ex: "How can I take you on a grand homeschool learning adventure when you are showing me you are having difficulty controlling yourself in this house?”
• If something causes a power struggle, consider switching from the “you have until the count of three” to a heated game of Teacher VS. Student. You get points if they’re not acting right, they get points then they do. Winner gets bragging rights or a little treat.
• Let them fail, lose, and feel disappointment. Perspective and character are developed in these and wins become more appreciated.

We hope you're inspired by this list, and we want to encourage you to keep on keepin’ on. Plow through the tough times, keep trying things until something works, and know that there will be an ebb and flow. Stock your toolbelt with strategies and switch things up to keep your days fresh. An example of that is a reading strategy we used called “The Sweety Treaty Scavenger Hunt”. The kids absolutely loved this and had little idea they were actually learning to read and write. The value of this was so high that it was kept only as a Fun Friday activity. During the week when they were tempted to slack off, a quick reminder about the scavenger hunt Friday would set them in motion!

Take hope in the changing seasons of parenthood – they’ll be out and about in a flash. Don’t waste time on nonsense, chaos, and upheaval! It’s time to daily soak in the joy of every single moment you have with your babies, and find methods that eradicate anything less!  Even the hard times will be more enduring because of the confidence that comes with being armed with a toolbox full of resources.

⛲️Best yet, get our 30 day free trial membership to The Well community and take advantage of our classes.  We have tips to create more family unity and interactive problem-solving sessions. Gather with us around The Well -- we have a spot saved for you!❤️️